How I Ballooned Up

December 29th, 2009 at 11:54 pm . Posted in Weight Loss .

Playing in a tournament in Washington DC in 2002

I can’t believe I let myself get to how much I weigh now. I can’t even accept the number that the scale reads.

I was very active when growing up – I played peewee soccer then volleyball in middle school. In high school I played volleyball & basketball. I remember being so busy and coming home from practice or a game and doing my homework until bed time… same routine every day! It was crazy – I didn’t have time to actually think about the food I craved for or wanted. Also because of the sports I was playing, I had high metabolism so I could eat whatever I wanted and not really gain weight.

The day my mom left me at college I remember thinking, “Wow, I can do whatever I want now!!” Instead of eating 3 meals a day, I could eat whenever and whatever I wanted anytime with friends. I felt so comfortable with myself and didn’t really care about my appearance at the time. I didn’t look into playing sports. College was very different – different routine every day and so many different friends & clubs with little time left to do anything else. Living in the dorms was challenging since we didn’t have kitchens so we couldn’t cook meals. It was always pizza or grilled cheese sandwiches at the cafeteria. Or those damn Cadbury’s mini eggs from the mini-store on campus. We’d go see movies at the movie theater and stash king sized candies in our purses. Even if I wanted to go to the gym at 7AM I couldn’t… I couldn’t even wake up for my 8AM class. Sure enough I gained weight.

The summer of 2006, I went home… signed up for Weight Watchers and worked out every day since I had nothing to do. I was addicted and craving for more…so Dad and I started running at the high school track field when it was 110 degrees outside. I remember feeling amazing and losing 30 pounds before going back to school. My weight slowly crept back on after all those get together events, holiday parties, pot lucks, and sorority events. I hated myself for allowing this to happen after working my butt off to lose 30 pounds in the first place.

Now here I am tired of this story and want it to stop here and someday there will be a happy ending to it. Not only I want to lose weight but I want to make sure that I adapt to these new changes for good and not gain weight again like I did before. I am glad I finally opened up about this and made my weight problems known on my blog so now I have all these amazing comments from you all to keep pushing me to succeed.

Last night I met my Dad at my favorite gym inside the country club and since I don’t live there anymore I can’t work out there. I convinced my Dad to pretend I’m my 16 year old teenage sister and just keep his mouth shut when signing in since he’s a man who doesn’t lie. I’m proud of him because I finally got to work out there last night with him. We did the elliptical bike and I came home not feeling satisfied so I did the Biggest Loser video game on Wii. I had to choose between Bob & Jillian for my program… it was a difficult decision since I love them both. I chose Jillian and it was a long 37-minute sweaty work out! I’m getting the hang of this and dealing with it one day at a time.

“I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there’s only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am.” – Author Unknown

There are 25 comments to this post.
Lizzie said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 5:59 am

You seem to be doing good so far, and you have plenty of drive so I’m convinced you can do it!!! Good luck with it all!! xx

Cute~Ella said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 6:18 am

Keep it up! Even dancing around the house burns calories…

I’ve always been heavy except for a couple of ski seasons when I seemed to not be able to keep weight on and I’ve just accepted that exercise will be part of my life or I’ll feel icky.

elle said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 7:07 am

you ARE beautiful!

i don’t know you, but i’m really proud of the efforts you’re making and i can’t wait to keep coming back to see your results!

i was a tiny 110lbs for YEARS and i gained 30lbs in the last year or so… i know that’s still small, but i’m 5’1 so every pound i gain or lose shows a lot. i’m going to start on this weight loss thing too! i really want to try the jillian michaels 30 day shred.

-e

Mom said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 8:30 am

What an inspiration you are to everyone! Kudos to you for opening up about your weight gain and your goal to get healthy. It made me want to cry when I read it since you have never shared with me how you felt about your weight. You have accomplished so much in your young life and we are so proud of you. We know you can do it. and…….. for all the world to see, I will reduce my smoking…. one cigarette for every pound you lose. I guess once you hit 20 pounds then I can officially call myself a non-smoker. See what an inspiration you are?? Love you, sweetie!! Dad is looking forward to going to the gym with you after work. Have a wonderful day. xoxoxoxo

amy said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 10:11 am

you can do it. you’ve always had the tools. the only thing that matters is now—now you are living this life and in a future now, you will be successful with your goal. i can’t wait to read more of these blogs to get a sense of your inspiration. love the quote you added as well. and love you too.

Margaret said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 10:32 am

Steph, thank you so much for opening up about this. As a fellow female, I understand how hard it is to talk about your body or weight issues, but I think being honest about it is so important. Over the last four years, I gained about 30 pounds (and as a 5’1 petite girl, I felt like I looked like a monster) as a combination of my love for alcohol, being in a happy relationship, and being too busy to work out because of school/work… finally at the start of 2009 I just had enough of how I looked. I gave up junk food and alcohol for two months and I am so amazed by how different I look still. I also gave up most animal products in October and it has helped to keep the pounds off but I definitely have to be more much aware of my diet which is a new challenge (after all, technically, Diet Coke and fries is vegan). While I am not quite where I would like to be, I notice a good difference in my energy level and I just have more confidence overall. You seem to be going towards this “transformation” with such a good attitude and I am positive that the side effects will not just be smaller pants sizes! I wish you the best of luck with everything :)

Walking on Sunshine said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 12:45 pm

First of all, it’s super brave of you to write this post! I honestly don’t think I could, because then I’d have to sit down and think about the whys and the hows and I don’t want to do that. I do know that like you though, when I left for school, I thought to myself if i want a chocolate bar for dinner than that’s what i’m going to have… and then it kind of got out of control. But 2010 is a new year baby and I’m all about change so look out! :) Best of luck to you too xo

Emily Jane said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 12:50 pm

I can already feel your success – you did a big thing by sharing this publicly and it sounds like you’re really determined, and I can’t wait to see how well you do in 2010. I used to be an extra small – I was 100 lbs for years and always had the problem of clothes being too big for me. A couple of years ago I went through a really hard breakup and started eating. All the newfound spare time I had, I would snack and eat and I eventually gained 25 lbs, but even though that’s still small, it was such a difference to anything I’d ever known, and I remember crying going through my closet and not being able to squeeze into my XS’s any more. It’s hard to talk about – and I’m still at the point where I’d like to lose another 5 or 10 lbs or so, but I’m also at the point where I want to do it for the right reasons (being healthy) and not to “look skinny”. I know I’m relatively new to your blog but I have to say the photos I’ve seen of you, the words I’ve read – you’re a wonderfully beautiful person. I love your strength for sharing this and I love the quote you shared at the end, and I genuinely wish you the very best of luck in this. I’ll be rooting for you!

Karen said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 1:36 pm

Oh the good old weight issues. I was never athletic like you but like you I started gaining weight rapidly when I started college. I was never skinny in high school, but I was a normal weight until shortly before I graduated. I managed to lose 35 pounds at some point doing Weight Watchers, and then gained it back slowly over a few years. I have been back with WW (I signed up online this time as opposed to just counting points by myself at home) for four weeks now. I am about 25 pounds away from the weight I was after doing WW for a few months and 44 pounds from my goal weight.
Crossing my fingers that you will stay on track this upcoming year and reach your goal. I know how hard it is. Hoping you will keep us updated.

Jessica said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 4:39 pm

It’s definitely tough to look back and see where things may have gone off track. I sadly, was never very active growing up so I was never having the highest self esteem or activity to help me really stay in shape. I think I was the only person I knew to lose weight in college due to a new eating schedule and options as opposed to what we always just had for dinner. Keep us posted how you’re doing!

Rachel said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 7:28 pm

Steph,

You are doing great and I know that with your amazing motivation and your fellow bloggers you’ll reach your goal in no time. I’ve been evaluating the same changes in weight in my life and have started to structure things differently in the hopes of your same goal. Definitely keep us posted! Can’t wait to see how awesome you do!

LiLu said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 7:59 pm

I’m with you- I’m suddenly feeling quite motivated for the new year and loving it. I just hope it sticks!!

barbetti said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 11:06 pm

This was such a brave post. I’ve several drafts along these lines. I gained fifty pounds, 5 months out of high school. I lost twenty and then got pregnant. And now I’m back to fifty pounds extra weight and it is HARD. It is a challenge. I’m thinking of you.

Ashley said... Dec 30, 2009 @ 11:11 pm

I’m looking forward to reading about your journey! Weight loss is probably one of the most difficult things for me, but it always comes with such great rewards–more than just looking better. I would really like to start feeling better myself and I know the way to do that is eat well and exercise more.

Hope said... Dec 31, 2009 @ 6:19 am

Oh man, this sounds so much like me. It’s almost eerie! Except I lost a scary amount of weight my first semester of college (too stressed to eat) and then gained it all back with a vengeance.

Good luck! It’s hard, but oh so very worth it.

Connie Q said... Dec 31, 2009 @ 9:56 am

You are a brave, smart, beautiful woman…and you CAN do this! I have lived a yo-yo weight
struggle for most of my life…and seem to respond to health issues rather than appearance
issues better. For example, my cholesterol is too high…and my doctor said it’s either lose the
weight, or go on medication that may have some side effects! So, since last September I’ve
been eating differently, no dairy, wheat, sugar, less animal products like butter, eggs, beef…
and I’ve lost about 30 pounds. Well, until about a week ago! I baked cookies and made
candies for holiday gift-giving. And, of course the temptation was TOO great! Now, it’s time
to re-focus. Exercise is also so important to making me feel better. I try to walk for 30-60
minutes everyday in our neighborhood…and we have some killer hills around here! My doctor
says getting my heart rate up really will help get my cholesterol down. You inspire me to push
myself to keep with my goals! Thank you! We can all do this together!

Allison Blass said... Dec 31, 2009 @ 11:26 am

I gained a ton of weight in the last couple of years too, living on my own and eating out so much. It happens to the best of us! I went from being “big” to being “fat” and so now I’m working on losing weight this year too. We can do it!

Cheers,
Allison

Amy --- Just A Titch said... Dec 31, 2009 @ 12:06 pm

I’ll SO be cheering you on during this—I’m in the same boat. We can definitely have happy endings!

Suburban Sweetheart said... Dec 31, 2009 @ 2:10 pm

Love this post. I feel this way, too – how did I get here? And how can I stop? It’s time. Good luck to you, and thanks for being an inspiration. Hope 2010 is the year for BOTH of us!

Emily said... Jan 1, 2010 @ 10:16 am

I was very active in high school with volleyball and track and like you, once college came, I had the same mentality you did.

I’m starting a program with a friend of mine so we can do it together. I’ll be looking forward to reading your progress!

Kathleen said... Jan 1, 2010 @ 10:52 am

How is the Biggest Loser game for Wii? I’ve been thinking about getting it; is it worth it?

somer said... Jan 1, 2010 @ 9:19 pm

love this post! you definitely can do it! you’re motivated about alot of things so this task should be easy! :)
cheers and have a wonderful first day of 2010 <3 xoxo

shan said... Jan 3, 2010 @ 10:51 am

oh girl i KNOW what you’re talking about- i’ve always struggled with my weight. after my sophomore year of college i lost a ton of weight and got down to 160 (the lowest i had been in a LONG time). when i got married i weighed 170 and now…well…after 2 1/2 years of marriage and not being as active and watching it i’ve gained 30+! my goal this year is to get healthy and to be able to run comfortably again! lets motivate each other! :)

Erin said... Jan 4, 2010 @ 10:01 am

Girl, you look great! I know what you mean, though. As we get older, it’s harder & harder to stay fit! I need to lose this baby weight! Ugh… here’s to getting fit in 2010.

wishcake said... Jan 16, 2010 @ 12:53 pm

Believe me, we are definitely all here to cheer you on! You’re right, though – one of the toughest things is figuring out how to make fitness an actual routine that doesn’t stop after we’ve reach our goals. I think that’s my biggest issue, too…especially because I have NEVER been a sporty person. AT ALL.

When I was down to my goal weight last year, it was an amazing feeling. Not just body-wise, but just feeling-healthy-wise. Of course, slowly I started getting back into old habits and didn’t exercise at all (well, here and there, I guess) and ate a lot more. Bleh.

I’m sure you will figure out what works for you – no matter what, you are absolutely stunning and a huge inspiration to me. Here’s to a lovely 2010! Woohoo!

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