Thank you all for your sweet comments on my last post… it means a lot to me!

On Sunday I overworked myself in the exercising department. I went to the gym then we met up with my parents to go hiking up the mountain that’s behind their house. It wasn’t a real hiking trail that everyone knows of. We were recommended to hike it by my parents’ friend.

As we started off for the mountain, it looked like it was going to be an easy hike. I couldn’t really hike without watching every step I took in fear of coming in contact with snakes. I’m really afraid of snakes! We came across a lot of snake holes and that didn’t make me feel better but I’m just glad we didn’t run into any.

We started hiking up and it was a little bit difficult until we realized we were going the wrong way since the trail ended. So we hiked back down to continue on the right trail. At this point I was exhausted and wanted to call it a day.

While dad and Tyler were a little bit ahead of us, mom kept pushing me to continue. I half-jokingly told her peer pressure wasn’t cool at all! I was left with no choice but to continue because dang it, I didn’t have the car keys with me.

I wanted to sit down so badly on a rock while we rested for a little bit but I kept thinking of a snake crawling up my back if I sat down. We continued up and finally made it to the top! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t complain almost the entire hike up. My excuse was that I was just talking to myself. I even think that would have been a great TV episode to watch me being such a drama queen on the mountain.

The hike back down was a little bit scary. Dad even called out to Tyler who was first in line, “watch out for rolling bodies!” – just great! Dad then decided it was a smart idea to get in front of the line to help us and he almost slipped which resulted with profanity words coming out of my mouth. After a while we finally made it back to the car!

Then on the way back to the house I sarcastically told everyone how that hike was so easy because it was! ;)

Tyler rarely uses my camera….and usually he only does when I ask him to take a picture. The other day when I decided to download the photos off of my camera, I came across about 10 photos of Tyler. I thought it was so funny since it’s usually me that takes a lot of pictures of myself. He claims he wanted to take pictures because of his new facial hair. Yep, he’s excited about that!

If you know me well enough you’d know that I am was so vain! I’m pretty much sure I took 20+ pictures of myself daily in high school.

I used to struggle with which photo to use for social websites – MySpace & LiveJournal because I thought I looked awesome in all of them. Now when I take 20+ pictures of myself I still struggle with which photo to use…BUT for the opposite reason – because I hate the way I look in all of them.

I’m not happy with the way I look at all. Most of it has to do with my weight. But other than that… overall I’m just not happy with myself. It doesn’t matter how many times I hear from Tyler how beautiful I am. I have no doubt that he thinks I am. But I need to be happy with myself and I need to think that I’m beautiful because clearly I don’t. Most of all, I need to learn to love myself again.

I’m trying so hard to not let all this let me become depressed. Even though there has been some days where I was depressed. Lately I’ve been trying to remind myself how I can fix it and to move forward by making changes so I don’t need to feel this way anymore.

Right now I need a goal. I have decided that goal is to exercise everyday for a month starting today. I realize that might be a little bit too extreme for a goal but I know I can do it. Even if I can’t go to the gym, I’ll just work out using Kinect or run around the neighborhood. So ultimately my goal is to break out a sweat everyday for a month.

I went to the gym tonight and was overwhelmed with how I felt afterwards. I forgot what it’s like to feel great physically & emotionally until tonight. Knowing I’m doing something better for myself and my body is a great feeling. I’m looking forward to this and being on the right path to learn how to love myself.