Playing in a tournament in Washington DC in 2002

I can’t believe I let myself get to how much I weigh now. I can’t even accept the number that the scale reads.

I was very active when growing up – I played peewee soccer then volleyball in middle school. In high school I played volleyball & basketball. I remember being so busy and coming home from practice or a game and doing my homework until bed time… same routine every day! It was crazy – I didn’t have time to actually think about the food I craved for or wanted. Also because of the sports I was playing, I had high metabolism so I could eat whatever I wanted and not really gain weight.

The day my mom left me at college I remember thinking, “Wow, I can do whatever I want now!!” Instead of eating 3 meals a day, I could eat whenever and whatever I wanted anytime with friends. I felt so comfortable with myself and didn’t really care about my appearance at the time. I didn’t look into playing sports. College was very different – different routine every day and so many different friends & clubs with little time left to do anything else. Living in the dorms was challenging since we didn’t have kitchens so we couldn’t cook meals. It was always pizza or grilled cheese sandwiches at the cafeteria. Or those damn Cadbury’s mini eggs from the mini-store on campus. We’d go see movies at the movie theater and stash king sized candies in our purses. Even if I wanted to go to the gym at 7AM I couldn’t… I couldn’t even wake up for my 8AM class. Sure enough I gained weight.

The summer of 2006, I went home… signed up for Weight Watchers and worked out every day since I had nothing to do. I was addicted and craving for more…so Dad and I started running at the high school track field when it was 110 degrees outside. I remember feeling amazing and losing 30 pounds before going back to school. My weight slowly crept back on after all those get together events, holiday parties, pot lucks, and sorority events. I hated myself for allowing this to happen after working my butt off to lose 30 pounds in the first place.

Now here I am tired of this story and want it to stop here and someday there will be a happy ending to it. Not only I want to lose weight but I want to make sure that I adapt to these new changes for good and not gain weight again like I did before. I am glad I finally opened up about this and made my weight problems known on my blog so now I have all these amazing comments from you all to keep pushing me to succeed.

Last night I met my Dad at my favorite gym inside the country club and since I don’t live there anymore I can’t work out there. I convinced my Dad to pretend I’m my 16 year old teenage sister and just keep his mouth shut when signing in since he’s a man who doesn’t lie. I’m proud of him because I finally got to work out there last night with him. We did the elliptical bike and I came home not feeling satisfied so I did the Biggest Loser video game on Wii. I had to choose between Bob & Jillian for my program… it was a difficult decision since I love them both. I chose Jillian and it was a long 37-minute sweaty work out! I’m getting the hang of this and dealing with it one day at a time.

My old skinny photo that I’ll be using for motivation

It’s not too early to make New Year’s Resolutions and start it now instead of waiting for January 1st to begin. Mine is always the same since I never had accomplished mine. This year will be different because I WILL accomplish my goal of losing weight!

I realized I’m not going to lose weight magically and by not losing weight now will only make it more difficult for me later if I continue to gain weight. Believe me… I love working out! It’s just hard to get the motivation to work out and go to the gym. I need to remind myself how awesome I feel after a good work out to encourage me to go to the gym. Eating is the problem for me. I’m really picky when it comes to food. Everyone who knows me will know this is very true.

I was inspired by Tricia to start this with a small goal of eating right & exercising for 21 days straight. She did it after hearing that it takes 21 days to make a habit and fortunately for her it worked! I will work out for 21 days straight from Monday, December 28th to Monday, January 18th. When January 18th comes I won’t give up but I’m not going to worry about that right now since it’s easier to focus on the small goals right now.

Tyler and I did our grocery shopping yesterday and I came across a lot of Lean Cuisine meals I’ve never seen before and bought enough to take to work for lunch this week. I’m anxious and excited to do this! I updated my weight loss page and will be weighing in weekly. Tyler bought me The Biggest Loser game for Wii so I’ll definitely be doing that video too and hoping someday while I’m doing it Bob will come knocking on my door!

Here’s to the beginning of my journey with the amazing support & help from my parents & Tyler who always will go to the gym with me in a heartbeat.

“Stop being a moron and start getting skinny! If you can’t take one more day of self-loathing, your ready to hear the truth: You cannot keep shoveling the same crap into your mouth every day and expect to lose weight.” – Skinny Bitch