I had to keep a secret but now I don’t need to anymore.

I applied to be on the show, Heavy, on A&E last month. I didn’t think much into it and didn’t think it’d go anywhere. Well, a week later the casting director contacted me and told me they were interested and asked me to fill out a questionnaire. The typical questions were like,

• What is your biggest regret that is a consequence of your weight?
• How has your weight affected your health?
• What are your three most important reasons for losing weight?

…and lots of describing myself and telling my story. I answered the questions and sent the questionnaire back to her. She asked me not to tell anyone of our conversation because you know they do that with all TV shows anyways. She even called Tyler to make sure we were aware of that. Meanwhile I asked my boss if it would be okay to take a month (or more) off if I got picked and she was totally supportive of it and said I’d still have my job.

A few days later, she emailed me back and told me I made it to the next round. They were interested in my story and now wanted me to do a videotape. They were asking for a lot….

• Eating bad food
• Cooking
• Show the inside of my fridge
• My closet and clothes
• Old pictures of me
• Things that are hard to do physically
• Show my work place

I got overwhelmed by reading all the things they wanted me to do. I’ll be honest here…..I chickened out!! Actually…Tyler and I talked about it because we didn’t even discuss anything before I randomly applied because I seriously didn’t think they would contact me. After our discussion, we both agreed we didn’t feel financially comfortable with me leaving for a month. And honestly….I don’t think I could go for a month being isolated at a resort without my iPhone UNLESS I was on The Biggest Loser which is my favorite show! I even dreamed that I went through the last chance work out with Bob & Jillian. It felt so real and so I’d like to pretend I did.

Anyways….so yep, it sucks because now I’ll have to live with that regret of not knowing what would have happened if I sent in a videotape. But honestly… I’m not going to dwell on it because I am still working on myself by going to boot camp and doing a 5K run/walk next Saturday. At least I’m not giving up!

So that was my secret. Sorry you won’t see me on TV revealing my rolls of fat & how much I weigh.

Jillian was there tonight with me in the gym….ok, I wish! It’s always nice to have the gym to ourselves since I’m sure we’re the only ones that work out at 10PM. I love doing the elliptical bike!! Tonight I also did the treadmill for a bit – still not liking it but I’ll learn to love it soon enough.

I feel pain in my arms & legs right now…. and it feels GOOD! I think my hubby should be a personal trainer because he’s hot & pushes me and himself in the gym all the time. At least he’s my personal trainer!

P.S. I need to stop dreaming about being on the Biggest Loser show.. I’m tired of waking up and realizing it was just a dream. :(

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I’ve made a decision with the hubby & family about The Biggest Loser and with that said, I’m not going to the audition tomorrow. We already have a lot of summer plans that cannot be changed or postponed. Also with the economy right now, I do not want to lose my job or leave the hubby to support both of us which is not enough with our bills right now. I’m definitely not giving up – I’m still dieting and probably should go on a strict diet.

Thank you all for supporting me with this and I will continue to update every once a while on my progress.