I haven’t wore my cochlear implant for a month. It’s frustrating because I clearly need another mapping session. There are still sounds/things I can’t hear with it. I feel like there’s so much more background noise that I should be hearing with it and I’m not. I know this because I hear the background noise with my hearing aid all the time. So that’s probably why I haven’t felt the urge or desire to wear my cochlear implant lately.

A few months ago I lost an extra magnet piece that I had on my cochlear implant because of my hair. I need two magnets so my cochlear implant won’t easily fall off. It’s not fun hearing then all of a sudden I can’t hear anymore whenever I touch my hair or hug someone.

I also have a “special” direct connect cord that I can connect to my cochlear implant and plug in my iPhone so I can listen to music. I do this a lot at work so I pretty much only use my cochlear implant if I want to listen to music. Lately my direct connect cord has not been working. I have to wiggle it or have it placed in a certain way for it to work. So annoying that this morning I went online to buy a new cord. $25 for a new cord….okay, fine with me. But then I looked around into buying a new power gel (battery) because I should have four power gels but I lost one a few years ago. Each one of them only last 8 (or less) hours before charging again. So guess how much it costs for one power gel? $165! Being deaf is expensive. I didn’t buy it but I probably will need to later on.

Anyways, so this morning I called the doctor’s office who did my cochlear implant surgery back in 2006. I asked for a mapping session and they told me I need a referral from my primary doctor so I can have it covered by insurance. So I hope I can get this sorted out soon so I can get a mapping session done. I’d love to have a new map added to my cochlear implant so maybe I’ll be able to hear background noise and high pitch sounds.

Know how I know I can’t really some sounds that I should be hearing? Well, as I was driving home one day I turned my hearing aid off so I could practice hearing with my cochlear implant on only. I had the music blaring in the car then all of a sudden a car swerved in and cut me off. I yelled a bad word and then realized I couldn’t hear myself say the whole word. Instead I only heard myself say hole. So yeah, this is the story that pushed me to get a mapping session done! :)

P.S. You should go check out my friend, Sean Forbes’s music video (I’m Deaf) in sign language. Also check out the teaser of the new music video that’s coming out soon with Marlee Matlin in it (Let’s Mambo).

August 2006

I wear my hearing aid every day from my waking moment to the second I go to bed… unless I have a headache or want to ignore someone, haha. You get the point anyways.

I remember the day when my cochlear implant was activated for the first time which was a month after my surgery. We arrived at my doctor’s office and they led us to a small room. My parents and Tyler were with me with this lady, M, who did my activation.

M had me put my cochlear implant on and hooked it up to the computer. I had to tell her when I heard the beeping sounds and to tell her if it was comfortable, loud, or too loud/uncomfortable. After doing that for a few minutes M warned me she was going to turn my cochlear implant on for the first time.

My hearing aid was off so at this point I wasn’t hearing anything until M turned it on. My parents immediately started talking so I could hear them – it was almost like they were cooing at me. It quickly turned to be an unpleasant experience. I could hear my parents but their voices sounded so weird and I hated what I was hearing. Everything sounded mechanical.

M asked me to try talking so I could hear my own voice and I refused. I didn’t want to disappoint myself.

What if I hated how I sound? Was it really how hearing people hear me?

M told me she was going to turn up the volume and keep turning it up slowly until I told her it was uncomfortable. At this point I didn’t know what comfortable felt anymore. When M turned up the volume it sounded like a lion roaring but loud & louder.

We did some testings where she would say a month behind a piece of paper and I had to listen and tell her what month she was saying. I didn’t do too well and got a lot wrong unlike with my hearing aid I get them all correct. M assured me it was just the beginning and my brain was “waking up” and I would get used to it.

We left the office and I did not wear my cochlear implant. My parents & Tyler tried getting me to wear it so I can practice and get used to it. It was really unpleasant when I put my cochlear implant on as the roaring sound occurred for a minute then subsided.

I slowly got used to wearing it but I wanted to wear my hearing aid too and I did. I was hearing things that I could never hear before or was not that clear and sharp until now. With all the traffic noise going on I could even hear my blinkers!

There was one problem. I had to learn how to tell where the noises were coming from. With my cochlear implant – it makes me think all the sounds are coming from the left side. This was the main reason why I wear both my hearing aid and cochlear implant at the same time.

I had to get used to the fact that when my cochlear implant battery dies, it just dies/turns off without any warning. I hated this. My hearing aid doesn’t do this – it slowly dies so I have time to change my battery. The nice thing is I have rechargeable batteries for my cochlear implant that are good up to 8 hours so I have 8 hours before it will need to be recharged.

Tyler has helped me so much when I would constantly ask him what that noise is. I still do now sometimes. I’ve learned to love and hate some sounds. I hate the sound of people rubbing their hands. I can even hear Tyler doing that behind me in the grocery store! The other night Tyler was talking to his Dad on the speakerphone and I could hear his Dad talking from the other room. I’m always amazed at the sounds I hear all the time.

Just because I can hear sounds clearly now does not mean I can 100% understand everything now. I’ve had some people tell me that they couldn’t wait to have a phone conversation with me after my activation. Learning how to understand people on the phone is a difficult thing since I can’t lipread through the phone…obviously.

I can call people and do all the talking but then I’d have to hang up before they even talk. I do that sometimes with Tyler if he’s not responding to his text messages. I’d call him and say what I need to say then hang up and he would text me back. Lame I know, but it works!

Feel free to ask me any questions or for clarification if I confused anyone on this long post!

My parents found out I was deaf before I turned 1 year old. The doctor bluntly told Mom that I was deaf and would have to go to a private school, get help, and many other things. Hurt by the doctor’s response, Mom cried and felt helpless because she wanted nothing but the best for me. My parents didn’t take this lightly and just listen to the doctor, they did their research on options for me.

When I was about 2 years old, I got hearing aids and loved wearing them because I could hear very well with them. I would constantly make noises “ahhh-lalala” and other weird noises when it was quiet or if I was by myself because I wanted to keep hearing. It was a bad habit to break when I got older.

The deaf institute was out of the picture since I would have to go live at school during the week and come home on the weekends. I was enrolled in a private deaf school in Seattle where their method was teaching SEE (Signed Exact English) and every word was to be signed and spoken at the same time. Every day I met with my teacher for 15 minutes to practice and work on my speech – I found it annoying as I got older. The school program only went up to 8th grade so I mainstreamed at my local middle school. I was actively involved in soccer and volleyball but I found it frustrating sometimes with friends. I don’t do well in big groups because it’s hard to lip-read and understand them. If I asked them what someone said they would always say, “I’ll tell you in a minute, hold on” then eventually never tell me because they forgot or it’s not important anymore.

I started hanging out with my deaf friends and went to deaf camps in the Summer. They used ASL (American Sign Language) which is different than SEE. ASL includes facial expressions and postures of the body. I’m glad I had the experience of attending both the deaf institute (for a year during my sophomore year) and my local school. I’m proud to be Deaf and have no problem telling people about my deafness. If I don’t understand someone, I tell them that I’m deaf and to either write it down or speak louder and clearer. I heavily rely on lip-reading too and sometimes people don’t move their lips when they talk!

My sister and I are the opposite of each other. I have exposure to both the deaf and hearing communities and she doesn’t have any exposure to the deaf community. Because of that, she doesn’t like people knowing she’s deaf. She won’t even let her hearing aids be visible which is why her hair is always down. I hope some day she’ll grow out of it and be open about her deafness. We both can speak very well and we don’t sign with our parents but they do sign and use their voice at the same time when talking with us. When my sister and I communicate we sign with each other.

In college I had a lot of friends that had cochlear implants. I was easily persuaded to get one myself because they were hearing all these small details that I could not hear with my hearing aids. I have never had a surgery before so it was a little bit frightening making this decision. Although it was an easy decision since I was not really using my hearing aid on my left since it was not helping me. So I decided to get implanted on my left because I wasn’t really going to lose any hearing anyways.

Surgery July 2006. Some people thought I had brain tumor.

The day I had my bandages taken off

About a month after the surgery, I finally got it activated. I hated it at first because it was so loud and overwhelming. I still use my hearing aid on my right side and would use my cochlear implant on my left at the same time. I started hearing a lot of things I could hear before but it was more clear and sharp. Sometimes I wouldn’t know what it was or where it was coming from and I had to ask Tyler or my parents. The only annoying sound with my cochlear implant is when Tyler rubs his hands. I didn’t wear it every day and I’m trying to fix that habit and wear it more often.

I know some people have questions about being deaf or about my deafness, feel free to ask anything you want to know!